Tradegy
Taken From The Neb Star
January 28th, 2006
Famed Blog Attempts Suicide
A former internet phenomenon was hospitalized this past thursday after a failed suicide attempt.
I Hate Blogs (known to immediate family as Blogs Suck Ass) attempted suicide on Thursday, January 26th by threatening to jump off a building. One of the body guards saw the blog and brought it to safety, where the blog would later gouge out his left eye.
Upon being rushed to the hospital, the blog shouted to the three reporters in attendance “I told you to f— off! You all wanted me to go on with my career, but I just ruined it even more!”
The manical hollers are in referrence to the blogs failed “nu years resolutions” post. The dismal post received horrible reviews from both fans and critics alike. One critic was noted as saying “The last post was terrible. I’ve seen abortions that were more entertaining than that piece of garbage! I’d rather take eight sessions of chemotherapy than read that pile of crap again! I suggest I Hate Blogs should go attempt suicide, its lifespan is over.”
The once famed blog was a gem on the internet, recieving thousands of hits everyday, making millions laugh in the process. However, in late May, the blog announced its retirement, with thoughts of the posts getting stale and repetivtive. In a later interview the blog would reveal “I wanted to end on a high note, you know?”
Fans emailed the blog everyday, insisting on new posts. What happened afterwards were a few mock pieces of journalism, which delighted millions. Although never going directly back to its old roots, it came up with fresh material to keep fans satisfied.
The blog’s best friend and business partnet, Ben Sinclair went on to have a successful solo career. I Hate Blogs was said to be extremely jealous of Mr.Sinclair’s success, which included selling 18 billion albums world wide, recording 82 shot outs in the NHL in a single season, being the only goalie ever to score 18 goals in a single seaons and eventually becoming president of the world.
Mr. Sinclair could not be reached for comment, but in an interview in mid October Ben said “This jerk needs to be beaten savagely (I Hate Blogs).”
The blog is said to be recovering in hospital.
