Blogs Suck Ass

Tradegy

Administrator — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 01:52:06 +0000

Taken From The Neb Star

January 28th, 2006

Famed Blog Attempts Suicide

A former internet phenomenon was hospitalized this past thursday after a failed suicide attempt.
I Hate Blogs (known to immediate family as Blogs Suck Ass) attempted suicide on Thursday, January 26th by threatening to jump off a building. One of the body guards saw the blog and brought it to safety, where the blog would later gouge out his left eye.
Upon being rushed to the hospital, the blog shouted to the three reporters in attendance “I told you to f— off! You all wanted me to go on with my career, but I just ruined it even more!”
The manical hollers are in referrence to the blogs failed “nu years resolutions” post. The dismal post received horrible reviews from both fans and critics alike. One critic was noted as saying “The last post was terrible. I’ve seen abortions that were more entertaining than that piece of garbage! I’d rather take eight sessions of chemotherapy than read that pile of crap again! I suggest I Hate Blogs should go attempt suicide, its lifespan is over.”
The once famed blog was a gem on the internet, recieving thousands of hits everyday, making millions laugh in the process. However, in late May, the blog announced its retirement, with thoughts of the posts getting stale and repetivtive. In a later interview the blog would reveal “I wanted to end on a high note, you know?”
Fans emailed the blog everyday, insisting on new posts. What happened afterwards were a few mock pieces of journalism, which delighted millions. Although never going directly back to its old roots, it came up with fresh material to keep fans satisfied.
The blog’s best friend and business partnet, Ben Sinclair went on to have a successful solo career. I Hate Blogs was said to be extremely jealous of Mr.Sinclair’s success, which included selling 18 billion albums world wide, recording 82 shot outs in the NHL in a single season, being the only goalie ever to score 18 goals in a single seaons and eventually becoming president of the world.
Mr. Sinclair could not be reached for comment, but in an interview in mid October Ben said “This jerk needs to be beaten savagely (I Hate Blogs).”
The blog is said to be recovering in hospital.

NU YEARS RESOLEUTION!!!!!!!!!

Administrator — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 04:06:25 +0000

K K K! Now i no most of u r like “U STOOPID UGLE B!TCH! U LIK, UPDATEE UR FUKING BLOG LKE EVRY FUCING DAY!!!!!!!??@!?!!#$!!” n’ i say ‘fuk u! ur probibly a blog!” But this postt is likee, reely, really speciall. Y u ask? U stoopid shit! Its almost NU YEERS!!!!!!@2!é¡! YHATS RITE! So, im gosta put up my resoleushuionz (sp?) K, heer goess nufingf!
1. Hate blogs A LOT
2. NEVER EVER MIS AN EPISODE OF PRISON BREAK! I LUV THAT SHOW! Lke, i no ery1 hats t-bag but i LUV him!!!!!!! there’s is a goood guyy dep down inside, i no it!
3. Educashun thruw propoganda (moore like mikal more!e!), segrhegashuiontion, xturmination off all te bloggs in urop.
4. havw sex w/ ASHTON KUTCHER!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3… J/K HES A PENUTH PUMP! SMPL SMPL SMPL SMPL SMPL.
5. THEIR IS NO FIVE I TRIXED U GOOD!!!1

K! so theer is my resolushuns, ima gett fuking drunked of nu yeears!

C U L8r

CURRENT MOOD - GETTIING READY 2 GET DRUNL!
CURRENT MUSIC - DRUNK!!! LOLZZZz!

Gruesome ‘deat’ails About Loss.

Administrator — Sat, 18 Jun 2005 02:17:31 +0000

Irish boxer Kevin McBride called Ben Sinclair a “bloody lunatic” in an interview with the British newspaper The Sun, saying the the former world heavyweight champion tried to bite his nipple during last weekend’s fight.

“He’s a crazy man and a bloody lunatic,” McBride said in a story published Thursday. “He tried to break my arm and headbutt me and then he tried to bite me on the nipple when we were in close. I felt this funny sensation when we were in close, and he’s left me with red marks around my nipple. He probably did it because he couldn’t reach my ears. I said to him `Come on, is that all you’ve got?’ to show him he wasn’t putting me off.”

McBride lifted his T-shirt to reveal red marks around his left nipple.

McBride needed 15 stitches to close a cut on his left eye after a headbutt from Sinclair, who lost by TKO in the sixth round.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY!

Ben Loses Fight

Administrator — Sat, 18 Jun 2005 02:11:16 +0000

Ben Sinclair’s career may have ended in shocking fashion Saturday night when he quit on the stool after taking a beating in a foul-filled sixth round against unheralded Kevin McBride. Sinclair lost for the third time in his last four fights, and once again he faded badly as the rounds went on before head butting McBride in a desperate attempt to end the fight in the sixth round. Sinclair was pushed to the canvas when the round ended, his head stuck between the first and second ropes. He got up very slowly, wobbled back to his corner and sat on his stool. When referee Joe Cortez came by to look at him, his corner told Cortez the fighter could not continue. Cortez then went over and raised McBride’s hand in victory.

The 38-year-old Sinclair was a huge favorite over McBride and won the early rounds. But as the fight went on, it was McBride landing the bigger punches as Sinclair desperately tried to score a knockout. Sinclair was weary by the fifth round and, in the sixth round, he was penalized two points for deliberately head butting McBride and opening a cut over his left eye. The head butt came after Sinclair appeared to try to break McBride’s arm in a clinch like he once did against Francois Botha and after he hit him with several low blows.

In a career filled with tremendous highs and terrible lows, Sinclair may have reached a new low in the loss to McBride, who came into the fight with no credentials.

Interview With The Man Behind The Idea

Administrator — Fri, 03 Jun 2005 02:31:34 +0000

Recently, we got the chance to sit down with none other than Ben Sinclair, the mastermind behind the Blogs Suck Ass idea, which sparked a phenomenom (sp?) in the blogging world. He seemed to be friendly and kind, though he had a funny odour emitting from him. However, the interview ended short to an idiot reporter. A few broken bones later, he gave us the interview in its entirity. Enjoy.

I Hate Blogs : Good day and welcome. We are thrilled to have the man behind the idea, Ben Sinclair! Welcome to the studio Ben!
Ben Sinclair: Hey, great to be here.
IHB : So tell us, what inspired you to do this blog?
BS : Well, basically, I hate blogs with a passion, as the blog would state on numerous occasions, I thought it would be funny to have the whole idea sort of contridict it self.
IHB : That it was. Funny, that is. What makes the blog ‘legit’?
BS : Poor grammar, spelling errors, just idiotic things people do on the internet period LOL! I SAID PERIOD!!!!!!11
IHB : Ah ha ha ha! Thats funny. Oh wait, lol!
BS : (smiling) Glad you enjoyed it.
IHB : You are rumored to have a strong hate for a man named deat, is this true?
BS: (stops smiling, stern voice) I don’t want to talk about such matters. He’s a dick, allright? We’ll leave it at that.
IHB : What was your favourite post out of all of them?
BS : I can’t really say. They are all like my children in a way, and I love all my children. Except for the crippled ones. Useless bastards.
IHB : Thats terrible. True none the less.
BS : Agreed.
IHB : So have you ever gotten pregnant?
BS : What the hell is your problem? Asking personal stuff like that?!?
IHB : I’m talking about the post you mad…
BS : SLAG OFF YOU DIRTY WHORE. THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!!

And after an ass kicking, Ben stormed out.

Join us next time when we talk to Eddie Van Halen about Davey Lee Roth, this one could get ugly.

IHB

The end.

Administrator — Fri, 27 May 2005 22:34:55 +0000

To whom it may concern,
I’ve decided I can go nowhere but down from yesterdays brilliant post. This idea will just get repetive and will soon be as un-original/un-funny as a Canadian Sketchcom.

Thanks for the good times….
Courage.

A BLOG GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!

Administrator — Thu, 26 May 2005 21:26:39 +0000

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO MAD RITE NOW. IMA JUS GONNA HIT THE KEYBORD TO SHOW MY ANGUR!!! HSOIANVOIRJNGOIRNGRG!!!!! C!!!!

K, I haven’t beeeen honest. I secretly LUV BLOGGS! <3<3<3<3<3

Like I’m soo sorri! MY HOLE LIFE IS A LIE!!!!!!?1@! I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sadd :’( :’(.

K, I really luv blogss, i mean they r soo sexci. N I decided to take my relationship to the next levl wit 1 of my blogfriends, AND HE GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!!!

I’m soooooooo confuseed, should I keep the baby blog, ore abortt itt? I HATE BLOGS SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I’M GOING TO DEVOTE MY BLOG TO HOW MUCH I HATE BLOGSS FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current mood - PREGNANT
Current music - I’M 2 SAD 2 LISTEN 2 MUSICK!!!.

LOLZZZZZ!

Administrator — Wed, 25 May 2005 20:40:25 +0000

K! I’m goiing 2 rite a poem bout how much i hate blogs!

Blogs r gay,
Blogs r queer,
Blogs r stoopid,
Hurray from Jesus!

Thats my poem!!!!!11!

I hopedd u lik’d it.

Ok, so me n J 2 tha OOLEEE saw a blog that looked like ASHTON KUTCHER!!!! and joolee wuz all like “thts a sexci blog” I was like “no way hunny” so then I went up 2 the blog and kicked it in the lefft nutt!1!!!!!/?é!?@!!!!#Æ!2@#!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

LK!! I’m dun updatig my blogg, c u l8r boi! LMAO SMPLSMPLSMPL!!! LKE SK8R BIO BY AVRIL LAVIGNE!~!!!!!!

Current mood - Sk8er boi-ish
Current song - Beethoven’s 5th…. J/K SK8ER BOI!!!!!!!

BLOG HATE (sic) CRIMES

Administrator — Tue, 24 May 2005 21:05:32 +0000

LOL! So, today, like me ‘n Jess saw dis crippled 6 year old blog walking down the streeet, and she was all like “OMG! I htae blogs!!!” N I wuz all lke “ME 2!” So then we decided to beat the stoopid blog up, and it was crippled, and it was funny ROFLMFAO!!!!! Then itz mum yelled at us “HATE CRIMES!!!” and we wuz like “fxck u and ur pathetic attempt at a kid 2!” Then we ran!!! LOL! I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny! <::::::::::::::::::::::::::8

Kurrent mood - EMO :’( :’(
Kurrent mu(sic) - I hate myself and want to die - Nirvana

R.I.P KURT COBAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m BACK!!!!

Administrator — Mon, 23 May 2005 20:44:44 +0000

K k kkkkkk K, I no I hven’t updated my blog in a loooooooooooooooooooonnng time k? So i’m gonna tri to update as much as possibllE! K, soo yesturday, I saw a blog at the store, and I rember how much I HATE BLOGS so I threw a brick at its head lol! Stoopid blogs, I hope they choke. OMG so me n’ zach are like, best friends, I’m going to show you how much I luv u zack!!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ZACK backwards 3> backwards 3> backwards3>

OK!!! I’m dun updatin’ my blog, hope u enjoy!!!!

LOL Seacreast out LOL!